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To Live Happily Ever After

There are daily news reports about failed marriages in India. Besides loss of happiness and bliss in life, there are extremely unpleasant consequences. Children are the worst sufferers. Cruelty to the spouse is nauseating. Second marriage brings its own problems. In a case of torture of a 3 years old child by his father and step mother, in which the punishment has been awarded today by the Sessions Court at Dwarka in Delhi after several years, the child has been crippled for ever. All his bones were broken by the duo and many ghastly injuries were caused that even the Devil would be ashamed to do. The father carries the rank of a Major in the Indian Army. This kind of tragic drift calls for research into the reasons converting a contract of living happily ever after into living into hell here after.

I tried to review the Indian view of marriage. I will need to use the Sanskrit & Hindi languages words for originality, with translation into the English language. The Indian vision accords  marriage a place of pride by making it one of the four Ashrams (segments of the life cycle ). It is called The Grahastha Ashram (Family segment). The four  in order are: Brahamcharya Ashram, Grahastha Ashram, Vaanprastha Ashram & Sanyas Ashram. The first part of life is to be devoted to acquisition of knowledge & skills to equip the person to earn enough to enter the responsibilities of marriage and provide for the family. This segment takes a toll on every person in life and he reaches a stage in life when enough seems to be enough and leisure, peace of mind and relaxation are needed. One would like to withdraw from the engagements and involvements of life of a married person raising a family. At that stage of life a person enters the new world of a thinker. He/she would like to assess the achievements & failures of life and explore the reality of  the visible and perceived phenomenon. For it he would need to withdraw into sylvan surroundings of the forests. In modern times, opportunity to coolly withdraw into the seclusion of a well provided study. Finally, the last segment when everything is given up, abandoned and the mind becomes detached. But back to the family segment.

Marriage is called Daampatya Bandhan. Daampatya makes the spouses Dampati. Now note two other powerful words: Sampatti & Vipatti. Sampatti means prosperity and Vipatti mean adversity. Marriage is meant to make life an experience of living in prosperity. Failure of marriage is bound to create adversity. Life is not happiness alone. It is equally unhappiness for many. Between prosperity and adversity stands Dampati or the couple. They can make it a happy or unhappy experience as they choose. But how?

Happiness and unhappiness flow from the heart or the body. The body feels the pain or pleasures. That part is visible. Injuries are visible. But there is the Man or heart that feels pleasure or pain, happiness or unhappiness. All our happiness and unhappiness is experienced only by our Man(pronounced as “m a n’) and body. The pain of the Man is called Aadhi and that of the body  Vyaadhi. Life is an unending cycle of aadhi and vyaadhi, but Daampatya is the remedy to manage it smoothly. It is so because of Sham and Dam. Sham means management of the Man(heart, mind etc) and Dam is managing the body. Dampati means managing and controlling the Man & Sharir or body by applying the technique of Shaman & Daman or Sham & Dam. When two bodies and minds become one through the bonds of marriage, they come together to manage the pleasures and pains as one body and one mind. That made break or divorce in marriage unthinkable. It does not mean all marriages were always successful. But they lasted long, only on the strength of that attitude of the partners to live happily ever after. Happy couples validate such premise. I have seen couples in real bad mental or physical conditions, but giving strength to each other to achieve sham and dam. Alas! under the onslaught of new ideas, Daampatya has been reduced to nothing more than a short term contract based on physical consideration to a large extent. Physical attractions end up in physical aversions in no time and then starts the suffering called aadhi manifesting soon in vyaadhi, but making the Dampati as single individuals. The bonding gives way in no time, being very weak, inviting Vipatti. Vipatti becomes vipadaa or troubles.

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